Alison Holker is opening up to the world for the first time since the death of her husband. Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss died in December of last year, a tragic event that has shifted her life.

Holker had her first interview since his death with PEOPLE, days after her anniversary. “It’s been really hard because I can’t understand what was happening in that moment [he died],” she said. “Stephen brought so much joy to this world, and he deserves to be remembered as the beautiful man he was.”

Holker remembers Boss with love and affection, sharing that the home that she shared with him and their kids Weslie, Zaia, and Maddox, was filled with joy and laughter. “Our love was so real and so loud. We always told people our house was like a choreographed dance.”

Holker revealed that no one close to Boss knew he was “low” before his death. “No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn’t want people to know,” she said. “He just wanted to be everyone’s Superman and protector.”

Since his death, Holker has launched the Move with Kindness foundation in her husband’s honor, dedicated to supporting various mental health initiatives. “We always hear, ‘Reach out to the strongest people,’ and I believe in that. But I also want the message to be that if you’re feeling low or depressed, it’s okay to lean on someone else,” she said.

Holker and Boss met in the year 2006 and later met again in the show “So You Think You Can Dance.” “We shared a dance at the wrap party of that season of So You Think You Can Dance and we have been together ever since,” Boss said in an interview with PEOPLE.