Meghan Markle might use her jewelry to pay tribute to Prince Harry and her son Archie Harrison these days, but one necklace in the early stages of her relationship with the Queen’s grandson reportedly got her in trouble with the palace. One month after Harry confirmed his relationship with the Suits actress, Meghan was photographed in Toronto, Canada in December of 2016 wearing a gold necklace that featured the initials “H” and ”M.” In the upcoming book Finding Freedom: Harry and Meghan and the Making of the Modern Royal Family, which is excerpted in this week’s People magazine, royal reporters Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand wrote that Meghan “was advised that wearing such a necklace only served to encourage the photographers to keep pursuing such images — and new headlines.”

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According to the book, Meghan had a conversation with a senior Kensington Palace aide, during which she “said little” on the call. Instead, the TV star chose “to simply listen to the counsel.” However, after hanging up, the future Duchess is said to have felt “frustrated and emotional.” The book claims, “While she knew the aide had good intentions, the surreal experience of having someone from her boyfriend’s office tell her what kind of jewelry to wear or not to smile at a photographer was too much.”

Per Finding Freedom, a “distraught” Meghan called a friend, saying, ”I can’t win. They make out like I’m to blame for these pictures, that it looks like I’m encouraging them, that me even acknowledging the cameras may not be sending the right message. I don’t know what to say. It was only yesterday that people online were saying I look miserable in pictures, because I was trying to just ignore the [photographer].” Omid and Carolyn added that Meghan “felt d*mned if she did and d*mned if she didn’t.”

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A spokesperson for Harry and Meghan, who stepped away from royal duties in March, previously stated that the pair did not contribute to the book. The statement (via HELLO!) reads: ”The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were not interviewed and did not contribute to Finding Freedom. This book is based on the authors’ own experiences as members of the royal press corps and their own independent reporting.”