Selena Gomez’s new documentary Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me is available to stream on Apple TV+ on November 4th. While you can watch the movie as many times as you want, the singer told Kelly Clarkson she only watched it once and doesn’t plan on watching it ever again, calling it “triggering.”

During the interview, Clarkson praised Gomez for how open she was in the documentary showing highs and lows with sensitive topics like her health. From her lupus and bipolar diagnoses to struggles with depression, and anxiety, she’s telling her story. “I discuss my bipolar and the highs and the lows and then you see when I actually didn’t know what was going on,” she said.

Ahead of its release Gomez says she’s scared and nervous for people to see this whole other side of her, “I’m like, I hope they like it,” she admitted. She also made it clear it would be the only documentary she would ever make. “The whole point hopefully is at the end your like, ‘well cool she’s gonna of live her life and do her thing.’ Cause I’m never going to make one of these again,” she said with a giggle.

When asked if it was hard revisiting her past, Gomez said she’s only seen the film (aside from the editing process) all the way through one time. “It is very triggering, so I don’t plan on watching it ever again,” the Only Murderers in the Building, star added.

Above all, Gomez wants the film to be an inspiration for other people. “Anything I do want it to be some sort of light in the world,” she said. “I hope that I’m turning this into a good message and not making it about me.”