Tina Turner’s daughter in law Afida is making plans to grow her family. The 46 year old woman has faced various blows following the death of Ronnie Turner, her husband, and the only biological son of Ike and Tina Turner. He died six months ago after a colon cancer diagnosis, at the age of 62.

Earlier this year, Tina Turner also passed, leaving Afida unmoored and without purpose. In a new interview, she reveals that she’s planning to have a baby with her late husband, thanks to the eggs and sperm they had stored in a bank.

In an interview with PEOPLE, Afida opened up about her experiences over the past year, how her life changed following the death of Ronnie and why motherhood has become such a guiding light for her. "It was very sad that Ronnie passed, and then his mom passed six months after. It is very difficult for me because people only see the music or the pictures, but I go back home and scream the names of my loved ones. [That pain] will never go away," she said. "I'm still very depressed and thinking about very bad, dark, bad stuff. You don't want to go through this in life. You have to talk to God, otherwise you go nuts and kill yourself. I'm suffering and my heart is destroyed. I'm trying not to lose my mind."

When speaking about motherhood, she grows excited and reveals the plans she’s made to make this possible. "I'm going to have Ronnie's baby!" she said. In the coming year, Afida plans on using the eggs and sperm Ronnie froze before his death as a birthday present for her. "If I can," she says. "I'm 46. But we'll see."

Annie and Ronnie fell in love instantly, even if she was wary of his lifestyle, which included drugs and problems with the law. "I will not be with you if you're still doing all that kind of rock and roll lifestyle, smoking and stuff like that," she said in a conversation with him before they’d gotten together. A few months into their relationship, Ronnie proposed. The two helped each other out through some of life’s hardships, including the death of Ronnie’s father and brother, Ike and Craig Turner.

"Ronnie was a lonely, destroyed man without love. I saved his life. We were both kind of like orphans: broken souls, broken hearts and I was doing everything for him,” said Afida.