Not all men with a tote bag are trying to win you over with feminist poetry, but some definitely are. The term “performative male” refers to a type of guy who adopts certain behaviors, aesthetics, or even politics not because he genuinely believes in them, but because he knows how they look. It’s less about living by a set of values and more about signaling them.
And he does all of this not out of deep ideological commitment, but because he knows what these choices say to the women (and audiences) around him.
Why is it unauthentic?
At the heart of performative masculinity is a certain kind of inauthenticity. It’s not that the performative male can’t care about social justice, feminism, or emotional intelligence. It’s that his engagement feels paper-thin. His public persona is curated to look “progressive” or “woke,” but when push comes to shove, he may not live by the values he performs.
© Jeremy MoellerA social media villain:
Platforms like TikTok and Instagram have helped this aesthetic go viral. In an online world driven by likes and curated identity, it’s easy to adopt a politically “aware” persona for attention. The performative male thrives in this environment, not necessarily because he believes in the message, but because the message earns him points.
Underneath the tote bag and the Clairo playlist is often a deeper motivation for approval and attention. The performative male isn’t trying to overthrow patriarchy, but he’s trying to look like the kind of man who might.
© GiselleflissakWhether the goal is romantic attraction, clout, or both, the performance tends to center more on being perceived as emotionally intelligent than actually doing the work to become so.
While it’s often framed as the antidote to toxic masculinity, performative masculinity can be seen as a remix of the same old script, a hunger for validation, just dressed up in softer aesthetics. Where the “alpha male” sought dominance through aggression or detachment, the performative male wants status through sensitivity and self-awareness.
How to spot them:
Critics argue that this type of masculinity can be both shallow and manipulative. The emphasis is on appearing to support social progress while avoiding the discomfort or accountability that comes with actually living those values. It’s a “look” but not a lifestyle.
© NoSystem imagesCommon signs include:
- Flaunting feminist literature without much depth behind the reference.
- Wearing political slogans but avoiding real political conversations.
- Ordering matcha with almond milk like it’s a personality trait.
- Dressing in thrifted “soft boi” uniforms with no clear connection to the cultures they're borrowing from.
None of these things are bad on their own. Drinking matcha isn’t a crime. Reading Sylvia Plath isn’t manipulative. The issue is when these behaviors are packaged not as expressions of identity, but as bait.
