The one and only Jennifer Garner starred as the cover on the latest issue of The Hollywood Reporter and was vulnerable and candid as she reflected on some moments of her life with Ben Affleck. The 48-year-old actress opened about how hard it was to have any sense of privacy as a family, and what the hardest thing was about their divorce.

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Garner and Affleck were married from 2005 to 2018, and share three children, Violet, 15, Seraphina, 12, and Samuel, 9. Since the couple is constantly followed by paparazzi, (or “bobos” as Garner describes them) it was impossible for the family to have any sense of normalcy. Garner recalled when they wanted to move out of Los Angeles in hopes of a simpler life. They looked around the outskirts of New York, Boston, and San Francisco but wherever they went people showed up with cameras. “It just put so much anxiety in our little family,” Garner said. “some bobo with a camera” would always come and take photos. It’s not something that has stopped either. This past summer was the first time her children were able to go to the beach and play freely since they were in masks because of the coronavirus pandemic. Garner told the outlet her children even asked her why they were never able to do that before. “I told them, ‘We’d try to go and we’d just get chased away [by the camera]. And you’re not just ruining the experience for your family, you’re ruining it for everybody. It’s like, ‘Who wants to have us around?’”

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When the couple announced their split in 2015 headlines were filled with stories about Affleck cheating, drinking, or heading to rehab. She told the outlet about divorce, “Going through it in public is not what‘s hard, going through it is what’s hard, A. And B, my children’s eyes are on me.” Garner also had the task of protecting them from all the stories that were out there, true or false. “When they were smaller and there were things out there that were shocking, my request to them was always, ‘Let Dad and I talk you through whatever it is… I’d tell them, ‘If you see an image on the front of a magazine, I’ll look at it with you and we’ll process all the scary feelings that come up together.’“

As noted theTHR Affleck has since called his divorce from Garner the “biggest regret of his life” and Garner has always been open about the pain it caused. As time goes on the actress has found some healing and they have found friendship as co-parents. The producer also reflected on the “dream” she thought she lost after the divorce. In 2016 Garner told Vanity Fair she “lost the dream of dancing with my husband at my daughter’s wedding.” Now, knows that dream will become a reality once they grow up. “When our kids get married, we‘ll dance, I know that now. We’ll boogaloo and have a great time. I don’t worry about that anymore.”