Jennifer Garner addresses split from 'love of my life' ex-husband Ben Affleck

Jennifer Garner has finally broken her silence regarding her and husband Ben Affleck’s high-profile split last year, along with his alleged affair with their familynanny. In a new, revealing interview with Vanity Fair, the 43-year-old discussed her relationshipwith the Oscar winner and what she calls her “yearof wine.”

The power couple announced their divorce lastJune, one day after their 10^th wedding anniversary. The actress told the magazine, “We had been separated for monthsbefore I ever heard about the nanny. She had nothing to do with our decision todivorce.”

Photo: Getty Images

She added, “[Christine Ouzounian — the nanny] was not a part of the equation."

With that being said, the mom-of-three — Violet, 10, Seraphina, 7, and Sam (will be 4 February 27) — admitted that in hindsight, the nanny was not a good fit for theirfamily. "Bad judgment? Yes. It's not great for your kids for [a nanny] todisappear from their lives,” the Miracles from Heaven star said. "I have had to have conversations about the meaning of'scandal.'"

Despite their split, Jennifer does not harbor any ill will toward herex-husband. "People have pain—they do regrettable things, they feel shame,and shame equals pain," she said. "No one needs to hate him for me. Idon't hate him. Certainly we don't have to beat the guy up. Don't worry — my eyeswere wide open during the marriage. I'm taking good care of myself."

Photo: Getty Images for VH1

“It was a real marriage,”Jennifer said. “It wasn’tfor the cameras. And it was a huge priority for me to stay in it. And that didnot work.”

After announcing their divorce, Jennifer admitted to Vanity Fair that shedecided to avoid the news and put the couple’s three young children first."I turned on CNN one day, and there we were," she recalled. "Ijust won't do it anymore. I took a silent oath with myself last summer toreally stay offline. I am totally clueless about all of it."

However, her former spouse couldn’t stay away from the attentionsurrounding their split. Jennifer said, "Ben says, 'Oh, you just don'tcare,' and I say, 'No, it's the opposite.' It hurts me so much, and I care somuch. I cannot be driven by the optics of this. I cannot let anger or hurt bemy engine."

Photo: Patrick Demarchelier

She added, "I need to move with the big picture always on my mind,and the kids first and foremost."

While their marriage did not last, Jennifer confessed that if she had todo it all over again she would still marry Ben. “I didn’t marry the big fat movie star; I married him,” she said.“And I would go back and remake that decision. I ran down the beach to him, andI would again.”

The actress continued, “You can’t have these three babies and so much ofwhat we had. He’s the love of my life. What am I going to do about that? He’sthe most brilliant person in any room, the most charismatic, the most generous.He’s just a complicated guy. I always say, ‘When his sun shines on you, youfeel it.’ But when the sun is shining elsewhere, it’s cold. He can cast quite ashadow.”