Dealing with 'mom guilt' and 'dad pressure'? Experts share how parents can finally let go

Parenting today comes with an invisible weight that past generations didn’t carry under such a bright spotlight. Alongside the chaos of raising kids, parents are juggling careers, relationships, and the constant scroll of social media comparisons. And with that comes two powerful forces: “mom guilt” and “dad pressure.” 

Both feel different on the surface, but experts agree they often spring from the same source, which is impossible cultural expectations and the fear of letting your family down.

“Parents are comparing their messy, lived-in lives to someone else’s polished version online,” said Keesha Scott, MS, Co-Founder at Guardian Recovery. “The truth is, the script is broken, not you.” That gap between expectations and reality is where guilt and pressure thrive. For moms, it often sounds like, “I’m not doing enough.” For dads, it’s, “I can’t fall short.” But underneath, the emotion is the same fear of not being enough for their children.

Jacqueline Shiels, Health Psychologist at Kaiser Permanente, explained how this cycle can erode mental health if it isn’t addressed. “These come from society, family rules, and internalized beliefs about parenting roles. They create impossible ideals, making parents feel they are never ‘enough.’ Over time, it’s stress, anxiety, burnout, and possible risk of depression.” Shiels adds that therapy, boundary setting, and embracing the idea of being “good enough” instead of perfect are powerful first steps. “There is no perfect. It’s a myth.”

Where Mom Guilt and Dad Pressure Come From

Dr. Clint Salo, a Board-Certified Psychiatrist at The Grove Recovery Community, explained that cultural narratives fuel these feelings: “Mothers are expected to be warm and self-sacrificing… fathers are strong, resolute workers who provide the family with resources. Such stories are unfair and unrealistic. This idealization denies parents the ability to be imperfect or vulnerable. He added that modern parents also face an intensified layer of comparison from social media, which makes these feelings of “less-than” more pronounced than in previous generations.

Nilisha Williams, CEO at Ace Wellness Corp, told HOLA! these pressures are rooted in cultural scripts and even the media we grew up watching. “It can typically come from movies, family TV shows, and what we just would’ve wanted as children… We forget that it’s unlikely we can work full-time and consistently meet the needs of our kids.” She emphasized that balance is more about teamwork than perfection, with both parents often sharing financial and emotional responsibilities.

The Social Media Spotlight

Experts agreed that social media plays a huge role in shaping unrealistic expectations for modern parents. Stephanie Lewis, LICSW, an Executive Director at Epiphany Wellness, pointed out that algorithms amplify the idea of “supermom” and “superdad.” She explained, “Social media fuels unrealistic parenting standards… making ordinary parenting feel like failure. The result is more guilt, pressure, anxiety, and burnout.”

Reesa Morala, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, added that social media has widened the comparison pool. “With social media at play, the amount of comparison has grown from the size of your neighborhood to the whole globe. And you don’t even have to go outside to see all the ways you are not living up to these standards. The reminders are at the tip of your fingers.”

How Parents Can Start Letting Go

So, what’s the way forward? For Scott, it starts with small permission slips: “Permission to order pizza. Permission to skip the extra volunteer role. Permission to take a nap. Your kids don’t need a flawless parent, they need one who’s present.”

Shiels echoed this with a reminder that redefining success is key: “Dads can be more open to valuing presence and connection — which is very different than our history.” Salo also recommended focusing on achievable goals and prioritizing quality over quantity. “Tiny interactions with the children over long time periods can assuage fears that the dads’ presence is only needed for financial provisions,” he said.

Morala offered a practical lens: “Self-compassion and grace are the antidotes. You’re human. Identify your core values and compass. If the inner critic words you’re saying to yourself aren’t words you’d say to your children, then you don’t deserve them either.”

Experts are hopeful that the narrative around parenting is slowly shifting. Parents are speaking more openly about the reality of raising kids. As Scott noted, “We’re starting to have more honest conversations about what real parenting looks like. If we keep telling the truth, our kids will inherit a different playbook when it’s their turn.”

Breaking the cycle of guilt and pressure isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing differently. And today’s experts agree parents don’t need to be perfect, they just need to be present.