In a world where terms like "high-value males and females" are making the rounds, there's been an ongoing conversation about what people are looking for in a relationship. And now, even Michelle Obama is weighing in.
On the IMO podcast, Michelle and her brother and co-host, Craig Robinson, discussed money and relationships with Jay Shetty. “Would you be attracted to a guy who’s not financially sound when you meet him?” Robinson asked. “Uh, I married one,” Michelle answered.
Michelle was 25, and Barack was 28 when they met at the Sidley Austin LLP law firm in Chicago. Robinson pointed out that "women in general" aren’t like her at that age and are looking for a “good catch.”
The former first lady agreed in some ways but insisted that you can’t generalize all women. “I think women are also confused about what they want and what they should be looking for in a mate,” she said.
She agreed that some women dismiss potential partners for superficial reasons. “I have a lot of friends who will ding a guy because he doesn’t have a college degree. There are a lot of people who aren’t looking deep enough, they aren’t thinking broadly enough about what makes for a good partner.”
“The first question we ask if we’re on a blind date is, ‘So, what do you do?’” she continued. “Starting with that question can put somebody on the defensive because what are you really looking for? Why is that the first place we start? Are we trying to get some idea of how much money they make?”
On the other end, she shared her thoughts on men in the dating sphere, saying they can sometimes be too focused on looks. “I think on the flip side, sometimes men are maybe a little too visual,” she said. “There are a lot of women who are open to different kinds of men and different kinds of lifestyles.”
At the end of the day, she said, women are looking for something deeper. “Women want a partner—they want to feel loved, desired, and chosen. And I think a lot of women, if you’re just straightforward about who you are, you’re going to find a mate. You’re going to find somebody who wants to go on that journey with you and will be excited about it.”
And when the right person comes along, she added, it makes everything easier. “It might make taking risks a little easier because you’re not doing them alone.”
Michelle explained that when she met Barack, she was leaving her corporate law job and taking a leap. “I had somebody who was like, ‘I got your back. The risks you think you’re taking, they aren’t that crazy, and I’m here to help you.’”
That kind of support mattered more to her than a big paycheck. “I would rather have that in a partner than a higher income. I would rather have somebody who is ready to do some hard things with me,” she said. “But that meant I had to be ready to do some hard things with him.”
Michelle and Barack's relationship has been through it all—financial struggles, career changes, raising two daughters, and, you know, running the country. Michelle has never been shy about saying marriage isn’t always easy. In a Revolt TV interview, she admitted that when their kids were young, she couldn’t stand Barack at times because she felt like she was doing the heavy lifting.
“People think I’m being catty by saying this—it’s like, there were 10 years where I couldn’t stand my husband,” she said. “For 10 years, while we were trying to build our careers and worrying about school and who’s doing what, I was like, ‘Ugh, this isn’t even.’ And guess what? Marriage isn’t 50/50—ever, ever.”