After Kobe and Gianna Bryant’s tragic passing last month, Vanessa Bryant is opening up about the pain she feels since losing both her husband and daughter at the same time. “I’ve been reluctant to put my feelings into words,” she wrote in a new social media post. “My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone. I can’t process both at the same time.” Along with the message, Vanessa shared a video of Kobe and Gianna during their time together at the Mamba Sports Academy.

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“It’s like I’m trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me,” she continued. “It feels wrong. Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn’t being able to have that opportunity?! I’m so mad. She had so much life to live.” Vanessa lost Kobe and Gianna when they died in a tragic helicopter accident that took away seven other lives. Kobe and Gianna are survived by Vanessa and her three other daughters—Natalia, 17, Bianka, three, and Capri, seven months.

In her latest post, Vanessa acknowledges that she needs to stay strong for her other daughters during this difficult time. “Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters. Mad I’m not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I’m here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri. I know what I’m feeling is normal. It’s part of the grieving process.” She ended her heartfelt message with a note to anyone else who is experiencing loss. “I just wanted to share in case there’s anyone out there that’s experienced a loss like this. God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over,” she wrote. “Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all.”

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Since the passing of Kobe and Gianna, Vanessa has been candid about her feelings. Most recently, she documented Gianna’She has shared with fans s jersey retirement from the Mamba Sports Academy with a series of emotional videos.